Well- we are in the 48 hour countdown to finding out whether or not I have another tumor. And throughout all of this I keep seeing a recurring lesson, "accept the things you cannot change". I just wish it were an easier lesson to learn and actually hold onto. I go in on Wednesday for the final verdict and the part that makes it extra suck is 1. I wont be able to talk to Matt, either to tell him good news, or for us to be there for each other for the bad news. and 2. the next day is our 1 year anniversary. I am so incredibly blessed to have him in my life and I honestly can't imagine things without him. But it will definitely put a damper on things if I find out I have another tumor. Time to face the music- how does that prayer go?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Well Shit.
So today was my post-surgical follow up down here in Texas.Just a rough update without giving to many gory details, but recently I've been having more "complications". So today was the day that I went in for my ultra-sound. wasn't super impressed, but thats probably because my Mom is so awesome at ultrasound that I am spoiled by having someone who is a total expert in the area... BUT long story short, the lady was very concerned about not letting me see the screen as she was taking images- and usually that only means one thing. Bad news. To top it off as I was leaving I was able to glance over at the screen, and low and behold there it was... and Im pretty sure it was another tumor.
Now- rationally- I can't be certain- but Im like 65-35 on this that I know what I saw. And given that Ive been having a lot of "complications" lately.. it would make sense. I dont actually get to talk to the Doctor until next wednesday- so it will be the waiting game again.
...
Mother fucker. (excuse my the language)- but to be honest- Im tired of this shit.. Im 24 years old- and holy shit if this ends up being tumor #2.... well then good God, Im flabbergasted.
I asked my friend Stephen what I should do about it, and he gave me some pretty sound advice. I told him I was tired of fighting this fight and he says " I was tired of fighting my fight in Iraq too- but you keep doing it. Because at the end of the day, giving up isn't an option. So you fight. Because its what you have to do." So here I sit now... trying not to focus on it. Definitely good advice from another friend there- and I wait till Next Wednesday the 14th to find out whether Im going to be putting on the boxing gloves again for round 2.
Here's praying for good news, but honestly- Im expecting the worst.
P.s guess this means I should be thinking up new names for this possible new tumor...any suggestions?
Now- rationally- I can't be certain- but Im like 65-35 on this that I know what I saw. And given that Ive been having a lot of "complications" lately.. it would make sense. I dont actually get to talk to the Doctor until next wednesday- so it will be the waiting game again.
...
Mother fucker. (excuse my the language)- but to be honest- Im tired of this shit.. Im 24 years old- and holy shit if this ends up being tumor #2.... well then good God, Im flabbergasted.
I asked my friend Stephen what I should do about it, and he gave me some pretty sound advice. I told him I was tired of fighting this fight and he says " I was tired of fighting my fight in Iraq too- but you keep doing it. Because at the end of the day, giving up isn't an option. So you fight. Because its what you have to do." So here I sit now... trying not to focus on it. Definitely good advice from another friend there- and I wait till Next Wednesday the 14th to find out whether Im going to be putting on the boxing gloves again for round 2.
Here's praying for good news, but honestly- Im expecting the worst.
P.s guess this means I should be thinking up new names for this possible new tumor...any suggestions?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
2011- what a year...
This last year was a tough one. It seems like every corner I turned there was another challenge ahead of me. Between my car being hit my an uninsured driver, being in one of the worst hail storms in Arkansas that almost totaled my car ( and thanks to faulty repairs now my car floods when it rains) my computer crashed, I found out about my tumor, had my tumor rupture, had surgery, and NOW Im waiting to find out if everything is healing ok, only to find out this morning that my Grandmother passed away.
Wilda Rae Henry was a pretty awesome lady. Always full of practical advice- she called things like she saw it and had an incredible love for sports. She worked her way up through the postal system and became a post master in california in the 70's- not an easy feat for a woman at that time. She raised 2 awesome kids and was an extremely loving, generous woman. She passed away this morning after struggling with COPD at 87.
In hindsight of everything- its sort of a relief. No longer does she have to struggle to breath and I know that this morning she was greeted in heaven by family and my Grandpa John who left us in the 90's.
Looking at all this reminds me that I have so much to be thankful for. This past year has also brought some absolute blessings. Matt was brought into my life, and honestly I am so thankful to have someone so supportive and loving. I graduate with my Bachelors degree in Nursing, I commissioned into the Army- and I was fortunate enough that, even though I had the tumor, I made a full(ish) recovery.
2011 has been a hell of a year- both good and bad. But you can't have the ups without the downs, so heres to living life, loving and laughing, and appreciating everything you have.
Wilda Rae Henry was a pretty awesome lady. Always full of practical advice- she called things like she saw it and had an incredible love for sports. She worked her way up through the postal system and became a post master in california in the 70's- not an easy feat for a woman at that time. She raised 2 awesome kids and was an extremely loving, generous woman. She passed away this morning after struggling with COPD at 87.
In hindsight of everything- its sort of a relief. No longer does she have to struggle to breath and I know that this morning she was greeted in heaven by family and my Grandpa John who left us in the 90's.
Looking at all this reminds me that I have so much to be thankful for. This past year has also brought some absolute blessings. Matt was brought into my life, and honestly I am so thankful to have someone so supportive and loving. I graduate with my Bachelors degree in Nursing, I commissioned into the Army- and I was fortunate enough that, even though I had the tumor, I made a full(ish) recovery.
2011 has been a hell of a year- both good and bad. But you can't have the ups without the downs, so heres to living life, loving and laughing, and appreciating everything you have.
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