Let me start off with this: I dont want your pitty. I dont want it, and I especially dont need it. And I really hope that the people who read this dont see it as a plea for attention. I write on here because the last year has been a little rough, and with everything Ive been through I thought (as well as several Doctors thought) this might be therapeutic and also informative.
I feel so old right now. Ive been called an old soul before- and I inside I still feel like the same person- but my God on the outside... Im just so flippin tired. There aren't even words to explain in. I know its caused by the medication- I know its just part of this whole deal. But good Lord All Mighty.... I need some help with this one.
People dont even understand when I tell them, 'Im exhausted"... they just think "well arent we all!?" It makes me want to show them... makes me want to slip a few of my pills into their oatmeal each morning and see how they feel after all those shitty hormones.
After making an Im exhausted statement once, an older lady came back with, "Oh Honey- wait till your MY age! THEN youll know exhaustion". I cant imagine it getting any worse than this- short of not even moving during the day- so lets hope from here on out things improve.
Its frustrating though- especially when you want to do things with all the kids your own age- like go out and drink, or stay up late. Its 11:00 as Im writing this (mostly just to get this off my chest) and I can barely keep my eyes open- and I had a nap today.
I try so hard not to let people see it in me during the day- and I hope that Im sucessful at that. I dont want people to look at me and think how tired I look. I'm 24 and I realize the world isnt fair- but Ill say it again- its just not fair.
Cant stay awake any longer- just too exhausted.
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