Lowering the bar

I am way to hard on myself a lot of the time. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist- and if I had my way I'd be great at EVERYTHING..... but I'm not. In fact its been really hard for me over the years to accept that there are just some things I may never be good at. For example Chess- Matt skunks me every time we play chess- I still play, because I delusionally think that someday I will beat the insanely smart kid who has all the chess strategies memorized -- it will never happen-- but I still try. Another perfect example is PT. I am not, nor do I think I ever will be, what we in the military like to call PT studs. (physical training stud). It wont happen. I am as slow as molasses in January when it comes to running, and I have close to no upper body strength. But I still try. Because I don't know how NOT to try.
The last PT test I took I scored a 230. ( to clue you in there are a total of 3 events, all worth 100 points. so even though a 230/300 equates to a 76% -if you want to think of it like a grade-- its still the lowest I have ever gotten). Admittedly it was a bad "Ted" day. Lots of pain, lots of cramps, it was cold-- the "excuses" go on, and on. And to be fair- the people who know about Ted- specicially my command- all applauded me for even getting a 230- the way they saw it- I had just gotten over being sick, I have a tumor, and I'm in an extremely difficult program that leaves little to no free time. But still for me. I was disappointed. After that PT test "Ted" was EXTREMELY angry with me. EXTREMELY angry. In fact so angry, that he decided that during the sit-ups event of my PT test he would rake across the inside of my intestines and basically give me Irritable Bowel Syndrome- IBS. Basically I was sick- Nausea, Vomiting, Diarrhea- for a week. HORRIBLE.  So after that Army said I could do the minimum amount of work I needed to pass my PT test- 19 pushups, 54 sit ups and run an 18:50 2 miles- and call it good- to appease "Teds" anger.
I don't know how to not try though. I just don't. Its just not in me. Even if I have an excuse, even if its totally logical and makes sense, I just can't do it. So today- I went out there with the mentality that I would do the best I could. And what do you know! I got a 267! I did 41 push ups, 75 sit ups and ran my 2 miles in 16:59. Lowering the Bar for myself meant that I felt that much better when I surpassed it! Im pretty proud of that! "ted" is still a little angry- and I may pay for that later- But Im still really proud of myself!
And by the way-- today was my last day of nursing school. Im DONE! Honestly- I kinda feel like I just got let out of jail! hahaha a strange analogy I know... But I feel like I just got set free!