When Denial runs out.

It is much easier for me to live in denial about this whole tumor thing. MUCH easier. Denial is wonderful. You pretend like nothing is wrong, you laugh openly, you joke, you play, you run around, you do all the same things normal people do. And its great.
Really. Truly. Great.
The problem is, that at the end of the day, when your lying there peaceful at night, daydreaming about all the things people day dream about, THATS when reality catches up, and denial runs out.
It's the same old problem I've been having the whole time. I feel fine... or at least I don't feel horrible. I have pain, but its not like its not something I can't handle. I've been handling it just fine so far!
Recently, impending surgery has sort of been wreaking havoc on my brain. Unlike normal surgeries- this surgery has the potential for some very serious, very life changing complications.
I'm 24. Someone telling me I may never have kids, I may get a hysterectomy, I could get adhesion's, I could get Ashermans syndrome (a form of severe adhesions), These are things I don't want to deal with.
The old phrase is totally true: God doesn't give you things you can't handle. But just because I can "handle" it, doesnt make it suck any less. And it sucks.
It Sucks A lot.
Today I went in to meet with my "primary" doctor. The first step towards surgery in regards to my new insurance. When asked what my appointment was for I explained that I needed a referral to an OB/GYN. So I go back to the room, the Doc comes in, and  we start to talk, I ask him to check out this bump on my leg real quick (just a general- hey BTW kind of question) and in comes his nurse as he's looking at my leg. She smiles, and says " You dont have a baby on your leg silly- Your baby is in your tummy! Silly girl".
I'm not really sure the look I had on my face. But the combination of her total ignorance in regards to OTHER reasons someone might see an OB/GYN and her total condescending nature I'm almost positive my distaste showed on my face. I was nice though, and explained that I wasn't pregnant: I have a tumor ( and I wasn't using tumor as a funny way of describing pregnancy). It was kind of a slap in the face, and honestly just sort of drug down my spirits.
Part of me still thinks if I ignore it, it will go away. I know it won't. And I know that I've been putting surgery off for so long that I'm risking more than just my ability to have kids.
I guess what I really need right now are prayers. Prayers that my spirits will rise, that I'll get that fighting drive back, and that I'll tough this out like I've been doing all along.
As for now, its time for bed, which means my denial is all run out for the day, and its time to face reality....