Dear estrogen- We're not friends.

Ug. I've only been back on the hormone therapy for like 3 days and its already horrible. Hello hot flashes, mood swings, random crying (I cried at the life alert commercial... COME ON!) and poor Matt has to put up with me. Only 26 more days until I'm done with the massive doses of estrogen. Only good thing is: my nails look beautiful- but my hair is falling out- how does that work!?
Recovery is going .... I felt like I was doing so good, and then yesterday this one 3 inch spot near my incision was just KILLING ME. In fact, I woke up at 5 am this morning because it hurt so bad and had to take my pain pills. I SO want to get off of those. Good news is I'm not taking anything at night- no ambien or valium, and I'm sleeping ok- minus the periods where I wake up when I move wrong. I did break a fever last night- which is very worrisome. Getting an infection would be a HUGE setback and very dangerous to my health. But I do have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so, hopefully I'll get some good news. We're still waiting to hear back from Pathology- so hopefully we'll hear about that tomorrow too. Still haven't been able to get on that treadmill and do that mile I've been aiming for: but I guess I can't beat myself up too much, it hasn't even been a week since surgery. Here's hoping I start feeling better and start kicking this thing in the butt.

On a side note: I'm trying really hard to stay positive- statistically people like me (young and with larger tumors) something like 70% end up with recurrence (and generally the tumors are bigger) *the more tumors- the less likely you are to be able to have kids. I've felt pretty good about things for the most part: but yesterday I  had this moment where I just sorta got the feeling that things weren't gonna stay good for very long. Very hard to explain. Just sort of one of those, "OK *sigh* I know whats gonna happen". It almost felt like God was giving me a heads up. A lot of my friends have been having kids lately and it definitely makes me think about the future. I have a feeling I'm going to have to make that decision a LOT sooner than I ever thought I would have to. Hear's hoping for my fighting attitude to come back soon...