Well, leave it to a Monday to leave me more despondent and disappointed then I was before. Besides all the other sources of stress I've had, today just sorta put the cherry on top. I was "complication" free for a whole 2 months.... And today ended my longest run at having no problems. I guess it helps, to explain that, the tumor that I have is a uterine tumor, and it is hormone sensitive.. certain hormones make it grow, and others make it not grow... the ones that make it not grow are estrogen and progesteron (not progesterine)... so you guessed it, I get to live life with JOYOUS amounts of hormones, in fact on top of the normal hormones a female produces I am now taking one of the maximum doses of hormones you can take (essentially high dose birthcontrol) and with it comes a nice dose of supplemental estridol- which I haven't had to take, until Today. Since my tumor is a myeolyoma, that means its in the muscle part of the utereus (as opposed to being in the interior lining, or exterior lining). Unfortunately, mine has gotten so big that now it is pushing through the interior lining (endometrium) and causing scarring and bleeding (sorry for the details). The point of the hormones is to help prevent growth, thereby reducing scaring, and to help prevent bleeding (since hormones are a form of coagulant in a way)... so essentially what it comes down to, is any bleeding =bad. Very bad. Spotting means I'm creating scar tissue, which means that my chances of having kids are shrinking...
And with all this.... I just feel blank. I feel like my head has been so overloaded with stress and frustration and disappointment that now.... I just want to cry. And I am.The extra dose of estrogen I'm about to take isn't going to help things either... that will just make me more hormonal and more upset.. and over all, all I can say is this really sucks.
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