Stuck

I haven't felt like this in years, and Im miserable. I spent the whole day today on the couch. It was a totally gorgeous beautiful day... but I didn't even want to leave the house because every 10 minutes I felt like I wanted to cry. I hate it. I know its the drugs. I'm well aware. But despite knowing that I still can't force myself to change it. I can't hike up the big girl pants and get on with life. Im just stuck. I never used to be this way. I mean I had my rough moments, but for the most part I've always had a pretty good outlook on everything. After all attitude is 90% of everything that happens to you. And I know that. And yet I still want to cry every 10 minutes. I feel miserable. I feel depressed. I feel like I hate my life. But then I have to remember that its these nasty drugs overshadowing everything. That this is not really what I feel. Its what the drugs make me feel. And then I get to the "why me" section of my day. And I go through all of that drama. And I know all of the answers but the lovely chemicals in my body still force me to go there. I just want to be un-stuck. I want to get out of this rut. I want to pull myself up by the belt loops and yell "GET OVER IT", I want to break free of all this crap and be myself again... and yet. Here I am. Sitting on the couch crying again.